Finding Your Purpose – Your Skills

Let’s talk about how naturally skilled and capable you are.  Ouch, I hope you didn’t bang your head while diving under the table.  Why do women always shy away from blowing smoke up their own proverbial?  Instead preferring to brush off compliments by acknowledging external factors rather than sticking our hands up in the air and saying ‘Yes, it’s because I’m great’. 

O.K.  I’m not saying that we should start turning all narcissistic and egotistical but what’s wrong with recognising that you are skilful and that you are capable?  Do you know your skills and capabilities?  Have you ever sat down and written down everything that you are, or have ever been good at?  Even long forgotten skills can be resurrected with a little practice. 

When finding your purpose in life and designing your future what you’re fab at is what you’ll enjoy doing and make the most success out of.  If you’re at a crossroads and unsure of the best way forward with your life and career knowing your skills and capabilities will ensure that you start making the right journey for you.  If you can’t stand maths and left school not knowing your times tables then trying to earn a buck as a book keeper really isn’t going to pan out but if you loved drama and performing maybe you could look at some kind of public speaking work. 

While I was filming with Cavendish last month we were chatting over a sandwich and I was reminded of the first (and last) book I ever wrote, I was nine years old and wrote a children’s story then sent it off to be published.  It was my aim to be Britain’s youngest ever published author, of course my scribbles on notepaper weren’t published but they did send me a thanks but no thanks letter.  At nine years old I recognised a skill I possessed and wanted to make it pay.  Shame I went into hibernation for the next 20 years and am only now putting pen to paper (or rather nail to keyboard) again.

I want you to go away now and list everything you are good at, everything you have ever been good at, everything you have ever wanted to be good at.  Don’t be put off if you suffer from  a spluttering start, it’s not a task we’re all used to, persevere and before long you’ll be on a role and surprising yourself at exactly how marvellous you are.

Finding Your Purpose – Dreams

Short post to today, last minute family visit means I’m really stretched for time at the mo.  During my interview with Cavendish Films we spoke a lot about dreams.  Often my clients tell me with a sigh that they guess they’re daydreamers, as if being a day dreamer is some kind of negative.

Cast your mind back to when you were a child and a teacher or other influential adult snapped you out of a daydream telling you to pay attention.  What was it you were dreaming about?  Was it what you were going to be when you grew up?  Was it a scenario that you were playing out in your mind as a film?  Then just like a packet of Jaffa Cakes, poof the dream was gone. 

As children we’re often discouraged from dreaming, instructed that you have to focus on the matter in hand, this is sad, and unfortunately we stop daydreaming altogether. 

Dreams are important; dreams are fundamentally the things that get you out of bed every morning.  Dreams are the things that drive you forward. The only reason I’m sat here in front of my laptop writing this at 6.30am is because I have a dream.   I suggest we all start dreaming again and start dreaming big. 

Allow your dreams to take on lives of their own, think of your dreams as the next blockbuster film, how big could your film be?  Only to add a grown up slant to your dreams write them down.  MAKE THEM STICK.  By writing down your dreams you start to turn them into your reality.  Simple. 

Finding Your Purpose – Beliefs

When you’re planning your perfect future what is it that stops you from ploughing forward?  Could it possibly be the voice in your head that pipes up with ‘Nah, don’t be silly, you’ve not got enough qualifications’ or ‘don’t be daft, leave that to the younger generation, you’ve had your time.’  Well I’m here to kick that blinking voice into touch and scream in your other ear.  And I’m only going to scream one word.... Poppycock. 

Those voices you are hearing are called self limiting beliefs, and by just giving them a name you’re turning that voice into a mere echo that’ll gradually fade. 

I’m going to tell you two things now about self limiting beliefs

1.       Self limiting beliefs are like fashions.  They get outdated so either send them off to your local charity shop or eBay them.  Either way get shot of them because like those sequin leggings they may have suited you once but not anymore.

2.       Self limiting beliefs are like those scums that send scam mail to vulnerable people.  If you feed them they will come back for more and compound.  Learn to recognise them and they will disappear. 

I’ll talk in more detail about self limiting beliefs and tips to get rid of them for good later on but for now I want to bring them to your attention because if you don’t even know they are there they will stop you from finding your purpose and they will stop you from achieving your full potential. 

Two more things you need to know about self limiting beliefs;

1.       You can choose to believe them and you can choose not to believe them

2.       You can change them. 

Sound tough?  It’s meant to, feed a limiting belief and it’ll end up like the proverbial oak tree, starve it and it’ll look like the cleanest, freshest, most unpolluted air you have ever seen in your life.  Which would you prefer?

(BTW, as promised, plug for Cavendish Films Finding Your Purpose DVD)

Finding Your Purpose – Values

Do you know your values?  I’m not talking about how much your wardrobe and cosmetic case cost you but the fundamental reasons behind your actions.

Last year a coach carried out a values elicitation exercise on me.  It was an extremely useful 10 minutes that really opened my eyes.  Smart ass here always thought that that financial independence was my main driver and that would be the results of the exercise, wrong!!  Turns out my top three values were energy, balance and freedom.  Financial independence was there but way down my list.  That kind of explained why in my previous life as a sales consultant I was never truly settled.  The hours zapped my energy, I never really had the freedom to work exactly as I pleased and the hours I slogged away between sun rise and sun set did diddly squat for my work-life balance. 

The reason it’s important to explore your values when finding your true purpose in life is that it’ll keep you on track with your true self when deciding what path to take.  Take a look at yourself now for a moment; does your life plan not get you excited? Are you feeling dissatisfaction but not sure why because it all seems to be going well?  Are you procrastinating?  It could well be that your values aren’t matching your actions and if your actions aren’t driven by your values it’s easy to slip into inertia. 

When thinking about your purpose in life one of the first things you should do is consider your values.  Think about what it is you want out of life?  Quite often something tangible will come to mind first, something along the lines of ‘I want to be rich’.  Ask yourself the following questions, ‘What does being rich mean to me?’ And then, ‘What does that bring to me?’  Keep asking these questions until you get to the real answer.  The real answer won’t be a tangible thing you can touch or buy in the shops such as a boat or swimming pool but a feeling that is a real motivator.  It might help if you do this soul searching with a qualified coach who is trained in the art of reading clients and knowing when they are unknowingly kidding themselves.   

(Cavendish Films are releasing a DVD later this year entitled ‘Finding Your Values’ and it’ll be jam packed with ideas about your values and tips on how to find out what they are.)

Finding Your Purpose

Yesterday I went to the studio of Cavendish Films to be interviewed as a guest expert on their next DVD entitled Finding Your Purpose.  How exciting is that?  It was a fabulous day, talking about all things personal development related.  The great thing about working in personal development is that you never stop learning about yourself and I stumbled across a great concept for my first workshop, why o why I hadn’t thought about it before I will never know. 

Anyway, I digress.  One of the main reasons people contact me to be coached is because they’re not sure of their purpose in life and need to explore their future options.  Finding your purpose is sometimes a task that is thrust on you by an unexpected event such as a break down of a relationship or redundancy, sometimes it’s a niggling feeling that starts as a tiny rumble in the pit of your stomach then grows into an all consuming feeling that needs to be addressed.  Either way it’s really important to find your purpose in life because if you don’t you can bet your bottom dollar somebody else will find a purpose for you. 

I’m going to break the subject of finding your purpose down into a number of blogs because it’s a hugely important thing to do and I try to keep my ramblings brief because I’m aware of how time starved you are.  And I’m also going to plug the DVD in every blog I write in this series as a thank you for Cavendish films and their 60 minute solution DVD’s for allowing me to pinch their new film title (not that I’ve asked, I like to live on the premise that it’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to obtain permission unless by doing so you’ll land yourself in court). 

This is how this series will look;

·         Finding Your Purpose – Values

·         Finding Your Purpose – Beliefs

·         Finding Your Purpose – Dreams

·         Finding Your Purpose – Your Skills

·         Finding Your Purpose -  Action

My friend Fear and her sister Excitement

Let me tell you about a friend of mine and her sister.  My friend goes by the name of Fear, she’s quite a versatile sort and always goes out of her way to bring the best out of people.  Despite this she’s not very popular; most people would cross the road to avoid her at all costs.  People had heard the gossip from a very small age that Fear was not a great person to have around and the best thing to do is to keep her out of their lives.

Her sister is called Excitement, she’s extremely popular.  Everybody loves Excitement and they want to be with her all the time.  If she was a celebrity she’d grace the covers of all the glossy magazines and she would quickly be adopted as the nation’s darling.  She has invites to all the great parties, her weekends could be jam packed full of social engagements but there’s a slight problem.

Fear and Excitement are really close.  They love each other dearly, Excitement has always witnessed the heartbreak that is felt by Fear because of her unpopularity and it makes her heart bleed.  Excitement can see that Fear has never done anything to warrant her bad reputation and so stays very close to her sister’s side.  Because of her loyalty to her sister she accepts some invitations but always on the proviso her sister could attend also, her belief is that the more she socialises with Fear the more people will see that Fear is a good egg really and become more accepting of her.

Over time there have been a reluctant few who have thought outside the box.  These clever people realised that if they want to hold the best party and have the best times and if they really want to have Excitement in their lives they learnt to tolerate Fear and accept her as a necessary evil.  Inevitably over time they got to know a little more about Fear, it didn’t take them long to realise that Fear is actually just as much fun to have around as Excitement, Fear no longer felt uncomfortable with them and they started to shed all preconceptions about her.  In fact, they started to welcome Fear into their lives, and the more they welcomed Fear the more they got to know Excitement. 

Think about this for a moment.  How much excitement are you missing out on by not allowing fear into your life?  What is it that’s stopping you from getting to know your fear?  How can you welcome fear into your world this week?  This could be your challenge if you’re brave enough to accept. 

Totally Exposed

When I turned twenty I promised myself that I would make the most of the next 10 years.  And I stuck to that plan, I had a great decade, lots of fun, lots of holidays, lots of evenings out, I had a ball.  The highlight has to be getting married and having my first baby at 29.

Then I hit thirty.  3650 days after setting my first ‘goal’ I realised that although I had done exactly what I had set out to do, make the most of my life, I actually had nothing to show for it.  I have to admit my daughter has been my biggest trigger for change.  My next 10 year plan looks very different, call it growing up, call it having a true focus, call it daydreaming, but I’m about to tell you all what my life is going to look like when I turn forty. 

Professional

I will be a nationally recognised Life Coach.  I will be running three weekend workshops per year, touching the lives of hundreds of other women and making sure that they are all living the fulfilled life they deserve.  Keen Coaching will be a national affair, The Boot Room will be running in at least five counties and I will be affiliated with a network of Life Coaches all working to the same vision. 

Health (incorporating contribution to community)

I will have an active lifestyle.  Loving the outdoors I will be joining walking groups and fundraising for various women related charities by embarking on treks.  I will have completed three treks in three countries for charity.

Recreation

I will have a flying licence and I will own my own microlight.

Relationships

I’ll still be (happily) married to my husband and somewhere in between all of the above we will have snuck in another baby.  I will hold a huge birthday bash inviting all the friends I have made over the years and those who I have yet to meet. 

So there you have it, a sneaky peak at my life 10 years from now.  There are statistics flying around that if you set a goal you’ve 10% chance of achieving it, if you write it down you’ve got 50% chance of achieving it and if you tell somebody you’ve got 80% chance of achieving it.

I’m not dismissing the fact that some people feel uncomfortable telling people their life goals for a myriad of reasons, usually fear (Next week I'm going to introduce you to my friend fear and her sister excitement).  Try thinking of it this way if you don’t tell anybody your goals there’ll be nobody to cheer you on or help you along the way and who’s going to celebrate with you when you hit them?

So, now I've metaphorically dropped my pants in public what’s stopping you from going and telling somebody your goals, dreams and ambitions.